That is, until you catch a glimpse of the people that live inside this house, one man in particular.
The housemates and I have dubbed him 'Pregnant Man'. Not to be rude, but because his stomach sticks out a ridiculous amount and is perfectly rounded, like he's either 9 months pregnant or smuggling an over-inflated basketball under his shirt. I've seen him sans shirt. There's no basketball.
Pregnant Man is one of those people that just doesn't seem to grasp the concept of common sense. He owns a bike (again, not unusual), but in the last year that I've lived in this house I've seen him actually RIDE said bike maybe three or four times. Pregnant Man apparently just likes to take his bike for a walk, like a normal person would do with their dogs. I see him leave the house, bike in tow, walking down the street like he's just going for a casual stroll. Sometimes I see him on his way back home, still rolling the bike along beside him, plodding slowly up the sidewalk. I don't get it.
Pregnant Man's lone superpower seems to be the ability to be a huge, giant creep. I admit I like to watch people like some people like to watch birds, because people do weird things and it makes me laugh. Pregnant Man, though, he's just a creep. He likes to stand out on his front porch and just stare at people as they walk down the sidewalk. Actually it's not so much a stare as it is a leer, which is especially disturbing when it's a woman walking down the street. Nothing makes you feel so attractive as having a balding 50+ year old man, whose stomach precedes him into rooms by at least a week, staring at you without blinking. Way to go, man. Way to go.
Occasionally Pregnant Man spends time on his porch without staring at people. I've witnessed him come out the door, belch loud enough to hear from across the street, and then go right back inside. Total time spent outside: less than 10 seconds. That was a good day. Sometimes he comes out, goes down the porch steps, stands on the sidewalk for a few seconds, and then goes back up the steps and back into the house. I have no idea what he's looking for, what he expects to see, if he's waiting for someone...I don't even have any theories because it's just too damn weird.
Maybe I just spend way too much of my free time staring out the living room window, watching the house across the street, but it never fails to disappoint. There's ALWAYS something interesting, even if sometimes 'interesting' really means 'disturbing'.
Sincerely,
Smart Girl
Pregnant Man's lone superpower seems to be the ability to be a huge, giant creep. I admit I like to watch people like some people like to watch birds, because people do weird things and it makes me laugh. Pregnant Man, though, he's just a creep. He likes to stand out on his front porch and just stare at people as they walk down the sidewalk. Actually it's not so much a stare as it is a leer, which is especially disturbing when it's a woman walking down the street. Nothing makes you feel so attractive as having a balding 50+ year old man, whose stomach precedes him into rooms by at least a week, staring at you without blinking. Way to go, man. Way to go.
Occasionally Pregnant Man spends time on his porch without staring at people. I've witnessed him come out the door, belch loud enough to hear from across the street, and then go right back inside. Total time spent outside: less than 10 seconds. That was a good day. Sometimes he comes out, goes down the porch steps, stands on the sidewalk for a few seconds, and then goes back up the steps and back into the house. I have no idea what he's looking for, what he expects to see, if he's waiting for someone...I don't even have any theories because it's just too damn weird.
Maybe I just spend way too much of my free time staring out the living room window, watching the house across the street, but it never fails to disappoint. There's ALWAYS something interesting, even if sometimes 'interesting' really means 'disturbing'.
Sincerely,
Smart Girl
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