Yeah. Let me just give you drugs for free.

I work in a pharmacy. For the most part I enjoy my job, but some days...some days people make me want to beat my head against the counter. Somewhere, at some point in your life, you've probably encountered people like this at your own jobs. Maybe you were a cashier that cringed when you saw a regular customer with a history of bad attitude standing in your line. Maybe you were a waiter that hated getting stuck with the table that never tipped no matter how polite you were. We all deal with these people. Throw drugs into the mix, though, and it just seems to amp up the bad attitudes by about 300%.

Next time you end up at a pharmacy, allow me to give you some tips to make your visit go as smoothly as possible and so you don't end up as one of "THOSE PEOPLE".

1) Do NOT, whatever you do, DO NOT throw things at the person at the drop-off window. Even without saying a single word, you've just presented yourself as a giant asshole, and nobody likes assholes. I don't care if it's a pen or the paper your prescription is on, don't even think about flinging it across the counter.

2) Don't argue with us when we tell you how long the wait is. I'm a reasonable, intelligent person, and I know that if you have to wait 20 minutes for your cholesterol medication you're not going to be in any danger of sudden death. The more you argue and whine that you have to wait 30 minutes because you just gave me 8 prescriptions to process, the more I'm tempted to add extra time just because of your attitude. (for the record, I would never actually do that, but MAN would I like to...)

3) When your insurance company decides to hike up your co-pays for reasons that God is LITERALLY the only one that knows, and I suggest you give your insurance a call, it's not my way of getting rid of you. It's my way of telling you that I don't work for your insurance and I have no way of knowing the answers to your incredibly rude game of 20 Questions.

4) This goes along with #3 in a way, because, surprisingly, we at the pharmacy are not in control of the co-pays on your medications. If you think the price is too high, take it up with your insurance company, because there's diddly squat I can do about it. The amount of complaining you do does nothing to change that.

5) Don't lie. Just don't. Lying will not get you that Morphine that you claim you so desperately need, nor will we believe that you're really buying that Sudafed, or those needles, for your poor, sick grandmother. We work in a pharmacy, guys. We deal with people like you all day long, and we aren't stupid.

6) Chances are good that your doctor's handwriting is going to be entirely illegible. If you hand your prescription to me and I can't read it, don't bother getting pissed off at me when I say I'll have to call the office to have them clarify it for me. I'm not going to just guess at what it says. If the doctor had written it correctly in the first place, we wouldn't have a problem. Yell at your doctor, not at me, and while you're at it, tell him have the nurse write out the prescription the next time because the nurses tend to write things out properly and they don't write with their feet, upside down, in the dark, blindfolded.

7) Doctor's offices are busy, hectic places. They don't always get things done when they would like to, or even when they say they will. If you're expecting a prescription, and you check in with us to see if we've received it, and we say no, we're not lying just to mess with you. Really. None of us enjoy you calling back 12  times in one afternoon to check.

8) Prescriptions aren't good forever. They expire. It makes no difference if your prescription expired six months ago but your bottle says you have 8 refills left. It's expired. Expired means "to cease to be valid, typically after a fixed period of time". Straight from the dictionary, guys. No longer valid. That means no, I can't give you anything, even if you ask me 50 times and swear that you didn't realize it had expired.

9) If you're going to come up to my counter and take up my time, get the hell off your cell phone. Hang up, and give me your full attention. I feel like this is just common sense, but around here, common sense is pretty much kaput. 

Really, all these hints can be summed up in about four words: Don't. Be. A. Jerk.

Use this information wisely.

Sincerely,

Smart Girl

Sweet, sweet justice. A.K.A, Karma is my best friend today.

I don't normally think of myself as someone that laughs at other people's misfortune. Sure, if you trip over the rug and fall on your face, I'll probably laugh at you, but only after I've checked to make sure you're not seriously injured and/or bleeding. I try to look out for other people, and for the most part I feel like I succeed, but sometimes...sometimes all I can do is point and laugh and thank karma for making the rounds.

Take, for example, the countless morons in this town that simply cannot comprehend the function of a sidewalk. We've touched on this topic before, but since it's such an epidemic around here it's worth hitting on again. Today it's been raining most of the morning, and everything is wet. There's puddles in the street, on the sidewalk, and I do feel sort of bad for the people that have to walk around/through them, either by choice or because they don't have a ride.

That being said, I do NOT, not now, not ever, not even going to think about it for a second, feel bad for the people that walk in the middle of the puddle-filled road and then proceed to curse out the cars that pass by them and splash them with water from said puddles. I'm sorry, but if you're too much of a moron to get out of the damn street you deserve to have a mud shower, even more so if you're a prissy, snobby, tight-jeans-tucked-into-suede-boots-wearing disgrace to the female kind. If you insist on hiking around in the rain in your hooker boots, maybe you should attempt to walk where there's a lesser chance of getting them wet. Or better yet, don't wear them at all, because they're hideous and even if you're not a hooker they certainly make you look like one.

And before you get upset at me for what I just said, let me remind you that this girl was, by her own volition, the one walking in the street, where cars have the right-of-way, and pedestrians really shouldn't be gallivanting about, especially around here where everybody speeds and nobody pays attention to where they're going. She should be thankful all she got was wet feet and not a ride to the hospital in the back of an ambulance. Idiot.

Part of me is hoping that sooner or later I'll see her again on her return trip, because I have a feeling she will have learned absolutely ZIPPO from her encounter with traffic today. Based on previous studies, 90% of people that walk in the street tend to stay in the street for the return trip. Cars? Pffffffff. Cars will move. They are PEDESTRIANS, and PEDESTRIANS are like superheroes! Nothing can harm them! Except maybe a steamroller...does anyone know where I could maybe, perhaps, acquire such a steamroller?

Sincerely,

Smart Girl.