I get that I don't live in the classiest town. I understand that. Until recently I guess I was looking at things through magical glasses. Which is sad, truthfully, when you think about my posts about stupid things people do...which is basically every single post I've ever written. I can't help that I have some magical ability for noticing all the stupid shit people do.
A couple weeks ago I was outside in our driveway, taking my nephew's car-seat out of my car and cleaning out the trash and random paraphernalia that collects in the most random places in cars in preparation for a trip to my parent's house. It was a bright, sunny, gorgeous day, probably somewhere around 11 am. I don't remember for sure. It's not the important detail.
I was halfway in the backseat of the car, fishing out some unidentifiable crumbs from beneath Nephew's seat, and I happened to glance out the rear window and saw a guy walking down the sidewalk. Pretty common for people to go walking on a nice a sunny day, no reason for alarm. I crawled back out of the car and bent down to put something in the trash bag that was sitting on the ground, and then I heard someone clear their throat and then: "Uh...Excuse me, do you know what time it is?"
Seriously. Who in this day and age doesn't have a phone or a watch or a sundial or SOMETHING. I didn't have my phone with me because I'd planned on being outside all of five minutes and wasn't expecting any urgent calls, so I kinda shrugged and offered a "Sorry, no, I don't my phone on me" in hopes that random guy would just mosey on down the sidewalk and leave me alone. I don't like people. I don't like talking to people. I don't like when people accost me in my driveway when I'm cleaning out the car. Maybe accost is too strong of a word. Instead of leaving, because my life is never that easy, the guy did this sort of nervous twitch/shoulder shrug and plows right ahead with what he actually wanted to ask in in the first place, which had diddly shit to do with what time it was.
"That's okay. Oh, uh, by the way...do you, uh, have any Xanax?"
Pro tip for life: If you're going to ask a complete stranger for prescription drugs, ALWAYS start by asking what time it is. Total icebreaker material right there, and I can now say that I'm speaking from experience. I will never know what my face looked like at that precise moment in time, but I'm assuming my bottom jaw was somewhere around my knees. All I could do was shake my head stupidly and shrug like I was apologizing for not having any drugs. Yes, random stranger who might possibly be high right now, I'm VERY sorry I don't have any Xanax...I don't know what I was thinking, coming outside without my bottle of pills because I should have been prepared for the moment you asked me for drugs!
I think I might have said something like "Nope, sorry," but I really don't remember for sue. I probably shouldn't have waited so long to write this post because then I'd be able to write the whole thing in vibrant, glorious detail for you guys. Pretty sure the summary is spot-on, though. I think the best part of the whole shebang is how the guy tried to slide in his request for drugs like it was part of a normal, everyday conversation. I don't know about any of you, but I definitely can't go more than a couple hours without asking random people I walk by on the street if they've got any drugs...*insert blatantly sarcastic eyeroll here*
I might have been more concerned and less entirely baffled if the guy hadn't so readily accepted that I wasn't gonna sell him drugs and then moved on. The fact that our street is usually pretty busy on nice days and there's someone walking past about every 30 seconds also helped. I made a run for the house anyway just to be safe and then I creeped on him through the curtains to make sure he was actually leaving, because I have no desire to get into it with strangers. I'm hoping this this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I don't think I could make another blog post about it if it were to happen again....
Sincerely,
Smart Girl.
