It's Driving Me Mad, It's Driving Me MAD!

I hate driving. Loathe, despise, abhor, pick a word. I hate driving to work every morning because, I kid you not, there's ALWAYS at least one person that runs a red light. I don't even live that far from work, maybe 2.5 miles, but like clockwork, every day there's someone out there being an idiot. I swear one of these days I'm going to die in my car on my way to work, and then I'm going to come back and haunt whatever idiot ran me over.

People that drive really slow piss me off too, especially little old people that can't drive more than 20mph in the middle of July, on a sunny day, at noon. Are there any better driving conditions than that? Because if there are, I've never seen them. I have nothing against the elderly, except for their awful driving. If you can't keep up with traffic, and you can't see over the dang steering wheel, maybe it's time you think about retiring your license. I will never forget the day I was driving to work, back before I moved, when I still lived with my parents, and some little old lady in a HUGE boat of a Cadillac pulled out of a driveway into a space the size of a postage stamp between my car and a car in front of me. I almost didn't have time to stomp on the breaks and she very nearly got rear-ended. I couldn't even honk at her because all I could do was stare and pray that I wasn't going to get creamed. I've never yet owned a vehicle equipped with a cloaking device, because I'm pretty obviously not a Romulan (or is it Klingon? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to check), so I don't understand how people don't see me coming. But I guess that's where seeing over the steering wheel comes in handy. *shrug*

And what is with people that are completely incapable of using their turn signal? I'm not a friggin mind reader, buttwipe. Unless you would like to get rear-ended, USE YOUR BLINKER! And while you're at it, don't you even think about pulling out right in front of me, because if you think I won't give you an earful of my horn, you'd be wrong. Alright, maybe sometimes I forget to honk, but sometimes I forget my horn isn't in the middle of the steering wheel and then I'm just pounding on it like a moron while it makes no noise. Derp! It makes me insane that even the cops around here don't use their blinkers. They're not OPTIONAL on your car, they're standard, so I know you have them. Just because your job is to enforce the law, that doesn't mean you are therefore above the law, you poophead. I say that with the utmost respect, but honestly...when you got your badge did you forget how to operate a vehicle?

I'm completely aware that I just sound like a complainey b-i-you-know-what right now but I don't even care. This all makes me so irate...I'm never going to be allowed to drive with my Nephew when he learns how to repeat words because I know I'll probably end up shouting something inappropriate at yet another moron driver. Or maybe I'll get lucky and be more like Linda from "Bob's Burgers" and just scream "OUT OF THE WAY, JENNIFER SLOW-PEZ!!"

Honestly.

Sincerely,

Smart Girl

Just...don't talk unless I ask you a question, okay?

I'm not an idiot. I'm hoping you've already figured that out, but just in case, let me reiterate: I'm not an idiot. I don't claim to be the next Einstein, and I'm no Stephen Hawking, but I manage. That being said, there's almost NOTHING that pisses me off more than people that just assume I'm stupid without having anything to base that claim on.

In case you didn't read my last post, or in case this is your first time here, I work in a pharmacy. I have to deal with people that are ACTUALLY stupid every single day, and it hurts. I swear on everything chocolate that it physically hurts not being able to say the things that roll around in my head every time I'm dealing with a particularly difficult customer. Given the collective intelligence level of the entire town is about equal to a bowl of oatmeal, difficult customers are pretty much the only customers. I have no doubts that every once in a while it's not just the customer and it's me as well, but usually, usually, it's just the customer.

Back to my first point. I don't like when people assume I've got no idea what I'm doing. I'm not new to this job. I've been working in the pharmacy for about two years now, and although I do sometimes have to ask questions I think after two years I've got the hang of most of it. I absolutely loathe people that think that just because they don't see me all the time when they come in to pick up their prescriptions that I MUST be new, and therefore I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Last week I had 4 different people ask me if I was new. All 4 of them were fairly regular customers, and I wait on them all the time. Are you KIDDING ME? I talked to you three days ago! I knew your name when you came up to the counter! No, I'm definitely not new.

I'm also incredibly bad with names. I can remember faces, but for whatever reason there are customers who I recognize but always, always, have to ask for a name. A few weeks ago one lady came up to the counter, looked at me, and said "Well you know who I am. I need to pick up my prescriptions". Um. Suuuuuuuure. Of course I had to ask her for name, because although I knew I'd seen her before I couldn't think of her name to save my life. After I asked her name, instead of just answering me, she got a little snotty and asked me if I was new. She didn't really seem to like my answer of "Nope, I've been here for a year!". Sorry to deflate your little bubble, honey, but just because you think you're the shit doesn't mean I'm gonna remember your name. I wait on probably hundreds of people every single week; there's no way on this earth I will ever be able to remember all of their names. There are certain people whose names I will never forget, but it's usually because of something bad like the lady that, quite literally, screamed at me once. I will remember who she is for the rest of my life.

It also pisses me off to no end when there's a problem with some part of someone's prescription, and as I'm trying to explain the problem, they lean around me and shout for the pharmacist. I'm not lying to you about your drugs, okay? Lying about it will get me absolutely nothing, except maybe fired, so there's absolutely no point in telling you anything but the truth. I don't deny that my coworkers can explain things better at times, because I'm terrible at explanations. I know what I'm talking about, but that doesn't always mean I can make you understand it too. However, just because someone else can make you understand doesn't mean they're telling you any different information than I told you. They're just better at making it brain-able for idiots like you.

And then we have the people that start talking to you before you've even realized they're at the counter. Shouting your name at me as I walk over to wait on you gets you nowhere. Give me a second to sign into the computer, and THEN you can tell me who you are. And for the record, please stop spelling your name at me if I didn't ask you to. If I can spell 'prestidigitation' without needing a dictionary I think I can handle your 4-letter last name. Spelling your name at me doesn't make you any more important or fancy just because YOU can't spell it. Same thing goes for the people that won't even say what their name is, they only spell it at you. For example, if your last name is Jones, instead of saying "Jones" you say "JAY-OH-EN-EE-ESS" all in one breath and as fast as humanly possible. Just...just don't, alright?

Two more things, and then I promise I'll be done whining.

1) If you have to call your pharmacy, please do the person answering the phone a favor and start off with your name. Don't go into a five-minute-long speech about how you're expecting X prescription from Y doctor and you want to know if it's ready, and if not how long will it be, and did they call in X prescription for 30 days or for 90, and did the insurance pay for that or is that the cash price, and you really want to make sure that Y doctor called it in and not W doctor that you're not seeing anymore, because you haven't seen W doctor in almost 6 months, and how much was it going to be through your insurance again? I promise you after that first four words nobody is listening to you anymore and they're spending the entire time you're prattling on wondering if you're going to shut up long enough to get a word in edgewise because they have no idea who you are to even look up your information to answer your questions. I can't even tell you how many times I'm on the phone with someone for several minutes before I get a chance to even ask who I'm talking to.

2) If your pharmacy has an outside pick-up window, either a walk-up or a drive-up, if the weather is cold, don't use it. When it's 5 degrees outside and you choose to use the walk-up window, I don't feel sorry for you when you whine that you're freezing. No shit, Sherlock, it's 5 degrees outside! Come INSIDE and get your stuff, moron. I will not be rushed while I'm releasing your medications just because you chose to stand outside, in Michigan, in the middle of winter. Same goes for when it's 100 degrees outside and you chose to stand outside in the blazing hot sun at noon and then realize it's hot outside. *sigh*

In the words of the ever-immortal Chandler Bing from 'Friends': "BAH!!"

Sincerely,

Smart Girl.

Yeah. Let me just give you drugs for free.

I work in a pharmacy. For the most part I enjoy my job, but some days...some days people make me want to beat my head against the counter. Somewhere, at some point in your life, you've probably encountered people like this at your own jobs. Maybe you were a cashier that cringed when you saw a regular customer with a history of bad attitude standing in your line. Maybe you were a waiter that hated getting stuck with the table that never tipped no matter how polite you were. We all deal with these people. Throw drugs into the mix, though, and it just seems to amp up the bad attitudes by about 300%.

Next time you end up at a pharmacy, allow me to give you some tips to make your visit go as smoothly as possible and so you don't end up as one of "THOSE PEOPLE".

1) Do NOT, whatever you do, DO NOT throw things at the person at the drop-off window. Even without saying a single word, you've just presented yourself as a giant asshole, and nobody likes assholes. I don't care if it's a pen or the paper your prescription is on, don't even think about flinging it across the counter.

2) Don't argue with us when we tell you how long the wait is. I'm a reasonable, intelligent person, and I know that if you have to wait 20 minutes for your cholesterol medication you're not going to be in any danger of sudden death. The more you argue and whine that you have to wait 30 minutes because you just gave me 8 prescriptions to process, the more I'm tempted to add extra time just because of your attitude. (for the record, I would never actually do that, but MAN would I like to...)

3) When your insurance company decides to hike up your co-pays for reasons that God is LITERALLY the only one that knows, and I suggest you give your insurance a call, it's not my way of getting rid of you. It's my way of telling you that I don't work for your insurance and I have no way of knowing the answers to your incredibly rude game of 20 Questions.

4) This goes along with #3 in a way, because, surprisingly, we at the pharmacy are not in control of the co-pays on your medications. If you think the price is too high, take it up with your insurance company, because there's diddly squat I can do about it. The amount of complaining you do does nothing to change that.

5) Don't lie. Just don't. Lying will not get you that Morphine that you claim you so desperately need, nor will we believe that you're really buying that Sudafed, or those needles, for your poor, sick grandmother. We work in a pharmacy, guys. We deal with people like you all day long, and we aren't stupid.

6) Chances are good that your doctor's handwriting is going to be entirely illegible. If you hand your prescription to me and I can't read it, don't bother getting pissed off at me when I say I'll have to call the office to have them clarify it for me. I'm not going to just guess at what it says. If the doctor had written it correctly in the first place, we wouldn't have a problem. Yell at your doctor, not at me, and while you're at it, tell him have the nurse write out the prescription the next time because the nurses tend to write things out properly and they don't write with their feet, upside down, in the dark, blindfolded.

7) Doctor's offices are busy, hectic places. They don't always get things done when they would like to, or even when they say they will. If you're expecting a prescription, and you check in with us to see if we've received it, and we say no, we're not lying just to mess with you. Really. None of us enjoy you calling back 12  times in one afternoon to check.

8) Prescriptions aren't good forever. They expire. It makes no difference if your prescription expired six months ago but your bottle says you have 8 refills left. It's expired. Expired means "to cease to be valid, typically after a fixed period of time". Straight from the dictionary, guys. No longer valid. That means no, I can't give you anything, even if you ask me 50 times and swear that you didn't realize it had expired.

9) If you're going to come up to my counter and take up my time, get the hell off your cell phone. Hang up, and give me your full attention. I feel like this is just common sense, but around here, common sense is pretty much kaput. 

Really, all these hints can be summed up in about four words: Don't. Be. A. Jerk.

Use this information wisely.

Sincerely,

Smart Girl